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Author Topic: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
Date Posted: 6/19 11:35am Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
I came across a gem from RottenTomatoes, just a second ago. Ed Potton from the Times of London says of the new Transformers film:

Ed Potton posted:
It’s like being hit over the head repeatedly with a very expensive, very loud train set. After two and a half hours in this bludgeoning company, you’re begging Bay to put away the boys’ toys and make a rom-com.


So, really, what the heck would a Michael Bay romantic comedy look like? How many explosions? How many lens flares? Who stars?

Let's make it happen.

 
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Date Posted: 6/19 11:39am Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
MA-BA-SPLOOM!

 

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Date Posted: 6/19 11:39am Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com - Date Edited: 6/19 11:41am (1 edits total) Edited By: deepbluejedi
just recently Michael Bay said he was done with the Transformers franchise and wanted to make a movie with NO explosions

Bay done with Transformers

 

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 Date Posted: 6/19 11:58am Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
He'll just grossly misrepresent science and have the film full of implosions, then...

 

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Date Posted: 6/19 12:16pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
Like that would misrepresent science any worse than his movies already do.

 

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 Date Posted: 6/19 12:18pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
oh yeah, didn't mean to imply that'd be new. probably forgot a word somewhere tongue

 

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 Date Posted: 6/19 12:19pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
I don't know who should be in it, but I think it should be a clever and tender little story about three generations of women and how they have each chosen different ways to deal with romantic disappointment. Then at the end, the coming-of-age young granddaughter should pluckily display her newfound independence by confronting her cheating ex-boyfriend high above Earth, where they duke it out in their Monstro-Megaloid cybernetic battle suits. The boyfriend will eventually fall out of orbit, presumably to his death, after his overwhelming arrogance causes him to make a technical miscalculation that could have been foreseen and avoided by a 5-year-old child. But not before the plucky young granddaughter hits him over the head with a meteor.

 

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Date Posted: 6/19 12:24pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com - Date Edited: 6/19 12:24pm (1 edits total) Edited By: DarthLowBudget
Bonus points if you can work the VX Nerve Agent and clone-based organ harvesting into that plot.

 

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Date Posted: 6/19 12:58pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
VX Nerve Agent powers the Monsto-Megaloid cybernetic suits.

The boyfriend presumably falling to his death when getting hit with the meteor falls into a cloned based organ harvesting plant, that he was secret builing with the "other women", setting up potential sequel.

This stuff just writes itself...

 

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Date Posted: 6/19 12:59pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
If the plot of a Michael Bay movie can be considered "writing", that is.

 

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Date Posted: 6/19 1:01pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
laugh

 

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Date Posted: 6/19 3:28pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
Pearlmageddon

 

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Date Posted: 6/19 3:40pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
deepbluejedi posted:
just recently Michael Bay said he was done with the Transformers franchise and wanted to make a movie with NO explosions

Bay done with Transformers



Well, maybe they'll get his partner in crime Bruckheimer to do Transformers 3 because I read the last few pages of the ROTF novelization at Barnes and Noble. The epilogue has Megatron awakening an army of protoforms.

 

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Date Posted: 6/21 2:45am Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
deepbluejedi posted:
just recently Michael Bay said he was done with the Transformers franchise and wanted to make a movie with NO explosions

Bay done with Transformers



I guess it will be something like Gladiator with more action.

 

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Date Posted: 6/21 3:39pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com
Driving miss daisy in Bigfoot

 
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Date Posted: 6/21 4:20pm Subject: ITT we make a Michael Bay rom-com - Date Edited: 6/21 4:21pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Import_Jedi
Wattowatta posted:
So, really, what the heck would a Michael Bay romantic comedy look like? How many explosions? How many lens flares? Who stars?

Let's make it happen.



-In the beginning, John Cusack arrives at the house of Jennifer Aniston, who's his GF. We don't see that it's Aniston until the camera tracks upward from her midriff to her face as she waters the lawn.

-During the movie, Cusack breaks up with Aniston after she finds out he's dating Drew Barrymore. Watching as Aniston walks toward her car (in slow-mo, of course), the camera spins around Cusack to emphasis he's in a crappy situation.

-Near the climax, we see that Aniston is about to head to the airport on a motorcycle. Naturally, we take a nice look at her ass before she zips down the street.

-Cusack finds out that Aniston is about to fly away and out of his life, so he quickly runs out of his apartment and gets into his 2010 Chevy Camaro...and burns rubber as he drives away. Cars parked along the street explode as he drives by.

-Cusack arrives at the airport, and to the tune of some awesome Hans Zimmer or Steve Jablonsky score--he finds Anison waiting at a terminal waiting to board her plane. Half the passengers sitting next to her are hot 20-something year old girls. Two of them strangely resemble Liv Tyler and Scarlett Johansson.

-The camera once again spins around Cusack and Anison as they kiss and make up. Cue in lens flare as the Sun sets outside. Airliners begin to explode in the sky for no apparent reason.

-The final shot fades out to the tune of an Aerosmith or Linkin Park song.

-During the end credits, we see that Aniston and Cusack are sitting on a couch watching a movie (either Bad Boys II or The Island). A chihuahua is humping one of Aniston's legs the whole time.

-The phone on the coffee table in front of Aniston and Cusack is shaped like Optimus Prime.

That's all.

 

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